He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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