i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Holy sore nipples Batman
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
