i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
