nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
