I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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