Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
