ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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