phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
