and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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