It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize