I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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