my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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