You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
did i just pee glitter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
