Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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