I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
