i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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