If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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