i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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