white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
