saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
