My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
