i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize