Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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