under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
