You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
