I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize