Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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