I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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