i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
