Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
