My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
