So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
