i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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