Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
