Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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