from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
