my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
