Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
