Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
