dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the condom got lost in my hair
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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