So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
