Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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