So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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