I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
