If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
