Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
