one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
