I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
