we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
