found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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