one word: firstdatebathroomanal
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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