I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
