Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
