I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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