Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
