you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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