i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
