i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize