i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
