dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
