my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
