Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
