Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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