I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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