im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
