im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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