We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
