I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize