i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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